Surrender
by Lucky Sins
Summary: Inspired by a myspace chain and Surrender by Billy Talent. I've found a flower in a field of weeds but this flower doesn't belong to me. Kairi write a letter to Sora telling him how she feels. Rated T for mention of suicide, drugs, and sex.
1. Kairi's Letter

**Disclaimer:**

Don't own Kingom Hearts, Billy Talent or myspace chains.

Yeah... that's my witty disclaimer.

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Dear Sora,

You're my flower in a field of weeds, but this flower doesn't belong to me. I knew you didn't love me like you loved him, but still… the love was there. We were the cute childhood couple that everyone figured would be high school sweethearts. Maybe that would be true if we were even given the opportunity to go to high school. Heh, I guess the darkness kind of took that experience away from us.

Your sweetheart was always Riku. Yeah I was one of the few possibly the only one that knew you're true feelings. Even if you could never be mine at least I knew I had something that no one else had. Your trust; you trusted me to keep your most valued secrets. Even though it hurt to know it was worth it.

When the three of us would be at the island I would watch you swoon over Riku and die a little inside. Of course a smile was still plastered on my face because I had to fake happiness for everyone's well being. I'd be there for you when Riku would meet a girl and bring her home, listen to you cry on the phone until insane hours in the morning. It hurt yes, but I loved you.

Then there was the time when you got drunk and wanted to kill yourself, even then I didn't lose my composure. I wasn't smiling no, but I wasn't going to break down. I had to be strong for you. I had to have the guts and the mental stability to take the knife out of your grasp and pull you up off your knees.

And when you decided that Riku didn't like you because you were too fat (personally I didn't see an ounce of fat on you), and I made you your meals everyday for 6 months. I didn't get a thanks or anything but I knew that you'd appreciate it in the future.

Sometimes deep down I did wish I was in Riku's shoes, he had the opportunity to have you to himself and make you as happy as possible. I couldn't do that as hard as I tried. I wasn't good enough.

I wasn't like the guys or other girls you paid attention to. I wasn't a jerk or a bully and I didn't act aggressive in front of you to try and impress you. I was as nice as possible. I guess you could say I was whipped but I thought it was going to work out in the end.

I spent my nights with you, comforting and cuddling you instead of going out with the girls. You were more important to me than my social life. They didn't understand but I knew what I was feeling was true and one day you would understand… maybe one day.

We've had sex. I know I'm just there to satisfy your 'needs', but I'd rather have sex with you than make love to some random guy. I'd love for you to make love to me but I know it wouldn't happen, it couldn't. You're too infatuated with Riku.

It just hurts that you can trust me so much and tell me so many things but we could never date. We could never be one. Everyone assumed we were but that was just your disguise. One day we wouldn't even get to pretend.

Those nights when there were parties on the island and you got so drunk that you couldn't take a step without throwing up, I was the one there comforting you. I didn't bitch and yell at you if the vile substance spewing out of your mouth got on my favorite $200 stilettos because I knew that you needed me there.

Sometimes you had to stay the night at my house because your dad beat you for being suspicious of your sexuality (what would he do if he knew the truth?). I held you while you cried and bent at your every whim. But when I told you about my parents getting a divorce or my mom becoming a heroin addict you didn't have a listening ear.

Recently I have been starting to do my own activities. I spent time with my mom and she said she'll go to rehab. I also went to the mall with Namine and met a cute guy ,his name's Roxas.

I got a job at the mall about two months ago. I rarely answer when you call to hear your crying because I need a few hours of sleep. You never appreciated me much anyways.

I feel bad that you haven't realize that after spending all this time swooning over Riku and hiding your feelings you could have had me. Instead of wasting your life trying to impress someone who didn't even know about your feelings and basically killing yourself slowly, you could have had a life with me.

I'm not sorry for being sorry anymore. I've realized it was your loss and your mistake. You can't accept me for who I am and I'm fine with it. Obviously I'm not the one you want and that's okay.

Nothing I ever did for you was right and I could never make it in your world. I wasn't worth your time and I'm still not.

I'm sorry that I seen Riku with Tidus and told you about it. I thought that's what friends were for? You started screaming at me and ignored me for a week. I'm sorry for being honest.

I'm sorry that it was me telling you I loved you and not Riku. I'm sorry that I actually meant it. I'm sorry that I was talking to you for 9 hours on thanksgiving instead of spending time with my family because Riku was upset with you.

I'm sorry that I still keep in touch with you and tell you about my life and how much I still care when Riku doesn't even bother to call you anymore. I'm sorry I was there all along and you didn't even realize it because you were too busy sinking into your depression to realize I was there all along. I was by your side and stuck by you through your problems.

You never said thanks or meant it when you said you loved me back. And I'm sorry that you probably won't be able to change things when you read this because I've lost my composure. I've finally broke down, are you happy? Is that what you wanted? Everything that's built up inside of me for so long is pouring out of my eyes in the form of tears; they might not ever stop falling. I've loved you Sora and I always will. I'm just sorry you couldn't belong to me.

Love,

Kairi

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Hmm yeah so if ya don't likey Kairi don't bash me about it. I was just kind of in the mood to write and I had to get rid of my writer's block some how. Even if I do hate Kairi and think of her as almost pointless... Just leave me a review or something to tell me whatcha think mk? First T rated story so tell me if I should change it or not...


	2. Sora's Response

I stumbled, barely awake, to my mailbox in my favorite red boxers and a plain white tee shirt. Rubbing my eyes and yawning along the way I finally reached my destination. It was about sixty degrees Fahrenheit outside, the sun was rising, and dew was painted on the lawn. I reached into the mailbox and grabbed the mail…

"Bills, bills… Kairi? It's been a while," I spoke to myself aloud.

I made my way back into the house and into the kitchen. I reached into the refrigerator and retrieved the orange juice and grabbed a glass from the cupboard and poured some. I took a sip and twirled the envelop between my fingers...

"Why wouldn't she just call? It must be important if she wrote it…" I carefully broke the seal making sure not to damage the contents. I unfolded the paper within it, prepared myself for the worst, and began to read.

"What the fuck is this? Who is she to make me look like the asshole?"

Frustrated and confused I reached for the vodka in the freezer and added it to my orange juice and slammed it.

"How about I make this a little more personable… I'm going to make her a tape recording. I want her to hear and know my fury."

I searched through my trunk in my bedroom and obtained my recorder and a blank cassette. I went back into the kitchen; made myself another drink… slammed it… then made another.

"Hello Kai-ri! So I'm a terrible friend huh? So uh… I was never there right? I didn't love you?"

Tears started running down my face. Whether it was the alcohol, anger, or true disappointment… I don't know.

"Ever stop to think that if it wasn't for me your ass would've been consumed by the darkness? Of course I loved you! That's why I trusted you! That's why I saved you… But how could we be together? You let the drugs get to you… You lost your mind. You were the girl Riku kept bringing home! I cried to you because I loved you and wanted nothing more than to be with you! Fuck Kairi.. I got drunk and wanted to kill myself because I know I couldn't have you."

I sat there for a minute in silence and reminisced… Tears streamed down from both my eyes down my face and onto the kitchen table. I slammed my drink once again and made another… fuck sips. I glanced down at the letter and continued speaking.

"I remember you making my meals but do you remember why I stopped eating? You told me I was fat. You told me I gained weight. You told me it looked like I was letting myself go. How do you think that made me feel coming from my one and only?

Damn… you kept thinking that I love Riku and wanted to be with him. I'm not queer Kairi. I know that you've been checked into the mental hospital for some time now but come on Kairi. You have to know that I love you. Riku is like my brother. We went through a lot together. I saved him and you from the darkness. Nothing sexual about it, just me being a good friend and cleaning up everyone else's mess as usual.

You chose to spend your nights with me. I never fucking asked you to leave your friends. They stopped wanting to see you because you started losing your marbles babe.

And just sex, really? I made love to you. You are the only person I have ever even had intercourse with and you're calling it just sex?

We didn't date because you kept fucking Riku. I love you more than anything Kairi but I couldn't take that shit. I kept drinking because you kept fucking him. Over and over. No matter how many times I told you it killed me on the inside. I turned to alcohol to ease my pain. I bought you those stiletto's... and it was your puke on them, not mine.

I did lie to you though about my dad beating me. He never did. I just told you that so you'd let me stay the night with you instead of going to Riku's. I never gave you a reason though. You assumed it's because he thought I was gay. Not at all, my father loves me and would never lay a hand on me.

As for your mother… you introduced her to heroin. You're dad left you guys because he couldn't take it anymore. Can you blame him?

I convinced your mom to go to rehab… and told you to get your ass out some more. Naomi was cool but I quickly regretted that decision when I heard about you fucking Roxas, my cousin, her boyfriend. How the fuck could you?

Ah… I'm sorry. I know you aren't in the right state of mind (I look at the booze) but I guess I'm not either."

I finished my drink and sat there in silence.

"I had my uncle give you that job… I wanted to be with you so bad Kairi and I spent my time trying to impress you. I meant it every time I said I loved you but I had to send you to the mental hospital. You started cutting, drinking, popping pills, and you'd wake up in places not even knowing how you got there. I know it was the darkness but I miss the old Kairi… I love you… love Sora."

I sat back and listened to the recording. Should I send it or no… she won't even understand. I don't even know how far gone her mind is now. Well what do I really have going for me? I lost Kairi.

I know what to do.

I put the cassette and the recorder into a box, taped it shut, addressed it, and got dressed. I left the house and started walking toward the post office. Box in one hand, I reached into my pocket with the other and grabbed a smoke and placed it between my lips. Reached for a lighter, lit it, and puffed hard.

Upon reaching the post office there was no line. I had the box mailed and returned home. I retrieved my pistol from the bottom of my trunk and just stared at it…

I decided this is best. I placed the barrel between my lips… and pulled the trigger.


End file.
